What Christmas is All About

I like to reflect around this busy time of year on what Christmas means to me. After shopping and buying those "got to have items" and planning your schedule around the next big event.. what time do you have left? Should you make time for other things? I would like think so. Most of all, I would love to think that people as well as myself make time for thoughts about Our Savior and King. What all he did for us, and why he came into this world. He brought more joy for our future than we will ever know. Without him life as itself would be meaningless. We wouldn't have eternal families or the ability to be forgiven for our mistakes and sins. His life was a gift because he gave his life for all of us. May we all remember what Christmas is All about!

Not the Answer I Was Looking for, but an Answer to Our Prayers

As you all know we have struggled with infertility. It's not an easy thing, but we did recently have a blessing in disguise. A "big" disguise. The month we went into the fertility specialist for the first time I happened to get two large cysts on my ovaries.This caused all progress to halt. I was put on close watch having to go into the doctors for an ultra sound regularly to watch the progress. The main concern is that if the cysts caused my ovaries to twist it would cut off blood flow, put me into emergency surgery, and I could possibly lose my right ovary. The cyst on my right was 11cm and the left was about 9cm. These aren't your average size problem cysts either. These were so massive even the doctor was worried for me. I was concerned too and also devastated to find out that instead of taking steps forward in our fertility treatment we had to take a few steps back and worry more about my safety and well being. For now I was "kind of" on bed rest without lying in bed. Meaning: I couldn't lift heavy objects, or work out, or anything else(if you know what i mean).
Luckily I have such a sweet husband and Dad who gave me a blessing that night when I found out. I was super worried because I just quit my job and was starting a new one, and if by chance I would have to get surgery, I would not be able to work with my new job at jet Blue, because training requires 100% attendance no exceptions. However, I was blessed to be able to make it to training. My cysts made a lot of progress in the first month however the progress halted in the second. I was so worried that I would never get them to go away. So we played the waiting game in a different way, and here is where the true answer to my prayers came. The answer wasn't getting rid of my cysts right away as I would have liked it, we didn't get pregnant, and in the second month we didn't make progress. Doesn't sound like much right?.. Wrong!! The best blessing of all,and answer to our prayers was that I no longer stressed each month whether we would get pregnant or not. I could finally!! Finally! relax! Because I felt there was no chance in getting pregnant I didn't even worry or think about it. So now I would like to thank my Heavenly Father for helping me forget and not worry. I also want to thank him because yesterday we went to the doctors and my cysts are now gone! Everything was normal and we can start our journey again on figuring out what is wrong and how to fix it.
I am so thankful for this blessing in disguise. I am so truly blessed and I know the Lord loves us and blesses us in ways that we may not understand, but ways that are best for us!

Soaring to New Flights!..

Wow what can I say? Things have certainly changed in the past month or so...(or at least when it comes to jobs.) I quit Discover Card after three and a half years to start my new job at jetBlue! What a change, but a great adventure. I had to stop and look at my options before I made this choice..take the pay cut, but start building a future career that will allow me to work and be a Mom at the same time; if and when that day comes. It was hard to leave Discover only due to the fact that I loved being around Greg so much! Even the drive to work together was an extra hour of time we spent together. However, I knew it was rights and so I jumped in head first.

Greg has been a team leader at Discover for just over a year now and we thought he would be working there for quite a while, but things have certainly changed. He applied to a new job and didn't even think that he would take it. Well guess what?.. He did! So as of now we have both quit Discover Card within a month of each other! (I'm so glad I jumped in head first to work for jet blue.. whats the point in sticking around if he's gone? haha) I would also say that I have never felt happier. Life has a crazy way of working out even when your not sure it will. I say it's all up to listening to the Lord.

We owe all of our success to the Lord and we are so truly blessed. Living the gospel and doing the small steps of faith each day leads us in the right direction every time. Its hard to travel blindfolded sometimes, but we have decided that the results are much better when you let the Lord steer.

We Look forward to these new adventures and are excited to take on the world! Yay for change and world here we come!!

Not the Same

I have come to the realization that when you are a child you take for granted just how peachy things appear to be. Who knew that after 33 some odd years of marriage and the 20yrs of my life that I had just one mom and just one dad would change? My parents got a divorce this year in Feburary. It came as no surprise after all the years of fighting and going back and forth, but still it is hard to grasp this concept of not being able to have family dinners together, not seeing my Dad as much,feeling out of the loop all the time, being displaced, not feeling like i'm home when I go over to the house I grew up in.

To top that change my mom just remarried after 5 months of being divorced.We did the whole civil wedding,walking down the isle, and being a bridesmaid. My only concern is the happiness of my parents, but I am having a hard time grasping being married for "the duration of your mortal life." How is that happiness? To me happiness is what I share with my sweet husband Greg and also the knowledge that we are a "Forever" family. All and all, these are my feelings on the subject matter, but It was a beautiful event and is good to see my mom happy.

I hate the feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. No Christmas,Easter,Fourth of July.. it will forever be different and in my opinion. Not for the better. All I can say is Divorce hurts.. not just the two that divorce, but everyone who comes in contact with it.

How Forever Feels

It's been a little over two years that Greg and I have been married. Time has flown by so quickly but also slowly at times. We have been priviledged to go to Florida,a cruise to Mexico, Chicago for a prestigious award that Greg won and many other adventures. Each day we love each other more and with that has created a desire for more. The desire to begin growing our forever family. It has been a struggle over the past two years to feel so defeated.
Last year in feburary we found out we were pregnant and we were all smiles from ear to ear. We created the hopes and future ideas of what our soon to be future would be about. We had just got into our first home, and Greg also had just been promoted to coach. If only we had know..(nothing is ever that perfect and happy right?) while we were so happy and grateful for these fantastic blessings, something happened that made it hard to focus on the good. I lost the baby. Devestation took hold of Greg and I. Especially me. I felt lost and confused. The little hope I had been given is that most woman I had spoken with had gotten pregnant in the next few months, so we clung to this..but each month our hope failed and desperation kicked in.
We started taking clomid a fertility drug last year. This is a basic fertility medicine that ensures ovulation. After six months of that we looked into something more. We tried ai( artificial insemination) which is $400 a time and we again got our hopes up and then shot down when aunt flow came to town with an angry and unkind force. How could this happen we thought? We are doing everything in our power to get pregnant and obey the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. It was difficult to understand but we decided to trust in the lord. We took a break for a few months from the stresses of trying.
When decided to start up again it was a slow process with continuing dissapoiment. My doctor said we needed to try ai at leat two more times, but we couldn't bring ourselves to spend thy much when after testing Greg he was said to have a very high count. My gut feeling was to see if I had endometriosis. The down side this is that the only way you can find out is by getting surgery.
Surgery proved to be successful! I had 5 spots of endometriosis that the doctor removed and hearing that news brought tears to my eyes. I knew the spirit told me and guided me to that surgery.
We tried again after the surgery and again to no such luck aunt flow graced us with her presence(yep)..
So now here we are praying this month for s miracle and trying each day to trust in the lords plan for us.
Prayers in our behalf are greatly appreciated!