I have come to the realization that when you are a child you take for granted just how peachy things appear to be. Who knew that after 33 some odd years of marriage and the 20yrs of my life that I had just one mom and just one dad would change? My parents got a divorce this year in Feburary. It came as no surprise after all the years of fighting and going back and forth, but still it is hard to grasp this concept of not being able to have family dinners together, not seeing my Dad as much,feeling out of the loop all the time, being displaced, not feeling like i'm home when I go over to the house I grew up in.
To top that change my mom just remarried after 5 months of being divorced.We did the whole civil wedding,walking down the isle, and being a bridesmaid. My only concern is the happiness of my parents, but I am having a hard time grasping being married for "the duration of your mortal life." How is that happiness? To me happiness is what I share with my sweet husband Greg and also the knowledge that we are a "Forever" family. All and all, these are my feelings on the subject matter, but It was a beautiful event and is good to see my mom happy.
I hate the feeling that nothing will ever be the same again. No Christmas,Easter,Fourth of July.. it will forever be different and in my opinion. Not for the better. All I can say is Divorce hurts.. not just the two that divorce, but everyone who comes in contact with it.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
How Forever Feels
It's been a little over two years that Greg and I have been married. Time has flown by so quickly but also slowly at times. We have been priviledged to go to Florida,a cruise to Mexico, Chicago for a prestigious award that Greg won and many other adventures. Each day we love each other more and with that has created a desire for more. The desire to begin growing our forever family. It has been a struggle over the past two years to feel so defeated.
Last year in feburary we found out we were pregnant and we were all smiles from ear to ear. We created the hopes and future ideas of what our soon to be future would be about. We had just got into our first home, and Greg also had just been promoted to coach. If only we had know..(nothing is ever that perfect and happy right?) while we were so happy and grateful for these fantastic blessings, something happened that made it hard to focus on the good. I lost the baby. Devestation took hold of Greg and I. Especially me. I felt lost and confused. The little hope I had been given is that most woman I had spoken with had gotten pregnant in the next few months, so we clung to this..but each month our hope failed and desperation kicked in.
We started taking clomid a fertility drug last year. This is a basic fertility medicine that ensures ovulation. After six months of that we looked into something more. We tried ai( artificial insemination) which is $400 a time and we again got our hopes up and then shot down when aunt flow came to town with an angry and unkind force. How could this happen we thought? We are doing everything in our power to get pregnant and obey the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. It was difficult to understand but we decided to trust in the lord. We took a break for a few months from the stresses of trying.
When decided to start up again it was a slow process with continuing dissapoiment. My doctor said we needed to try ai at leat two more times, but we couldn't bring ourselves to spend thy much when after testing Greg he was said to have a very high count. My gut feeling was to see if I had endometriosis. The down side this is that the only way you can find out is by getting surgery.
Surgery proved to be successful! I had 5 spots of endometriosis that the doctor removed and hearing that news brought tears to my eyes. I knew the spirit told me and guided me to that surgery.
We tried again after the surgery and again to no such luck aunt flow graced us with her presence(yep)..
So now here we are praying this month for s miracle and trying each day to trust in the lords plan for us.
Prayers in our behalf are greatly appreciated!
Last year in feburary we found out we were pregnant and we were all smiles from ear to ear. We created the hopes and future ideas of what our soon to be future would be about. We had just got into our first home, and Greg also had just been promoted to coach. If only we had know..(nothing is ever that perfect and happy right?) while we were so happy and grateful for these fantastic blessings, something happened that made it hard to focus on the good. I lost the baby. Devestation took hold of Greg and I. Especially me. I felt lost and confused. The little hope I had been given is that most woman I had spoken with had gotten pregnant in the next few months, so we clung to this..but each month our hope failed and desperation kicked in.
We started taking clomid a fertility drug last year. This is a basic fertility medicine that ensures ovulation. After six months of that we looked into something more. We tried ai( artificial insemination) which is $400 a time and we again got our hopes up and then shot down when aunt flow came to town with an angry and unkind force. How could this happen we thought? We are doing everything in our power to get pregnant and obey the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. It was difficult to understand but we decided to trust in the lord. We took a break for a few months from the stresses of trying.
When decided to start up again it was a slow process with continuing dissapoiment. My doctor said we needed to try ai at leat two more times, but we couldn't bring ourselves to spend thy much when after testing Greg he was said to have a very high count. My gut feeling was to see if I had endometriosis. The down side this is that the only way you can find out is by getting surgery.
Surgery proved to be successful! I had 5 spots of endometriosis that the doctor removed and hearing that news brought tears to my eyes. I knew the spirit told me and guided me to that surgery.
We tried again after the surgery and again to no such luck aunt flow graced us with her presence(yep)..
So now here we are praying this month for s miracle and trying each day to trust in the lords plan for us.
Prayers in our behalf are greatly appreciated!
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